Happiness

How to be or feel happy.

Positivity is the Key to a Better Life

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If you live in South Africa, you know how easy it is to become negative. All you have to do is to wait for the power to go out, checking the Rand Dollar exchange rate or, even faster: Listen to a news bulletin.

What does this say about us as a nation? Even worse: Is there still hope for this beautiful country?

But enough said. The whole idea behind this post is to be positive and, by being positive, to have a better life.

But how do you become more positive??

I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s hard and extremely difficult. Just like any top performing athlete, you need to constantly work at it. The one light at the end of the tunnel is that, like anything in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

This is how I did it. Try it for yourself and, if necessary, change the recipe until it works for you.

Less is more

I used to read the news and listen to the news a lot, but I quickly realised that it makes me negative. Then I started listening to the news less. I also listen to shorter news bulletins like just the headlines and if there is a story that interests me, then I will follow up on it. I removed the Google News app from my phone, and I also deleted my news list in Twitter.

Remember the heading of this section? I’m not saying stop reading the news at all; I’m saying less news brings more chances to be positive. Don’t stop reading the news at all; you shouldn’t become an Ostridge by sticking your head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong. Be aware of world happenings, because they can affect you directly or indirectly.

Don’t Worry ~ be Happy

This is entirely your choice. My mother-in-law constantly worries about things: What if this? Or what will happen if that? We have often asked her to stop worrying about things that she cannot change or control. It really is as simple as this: You can’t change it, so why worry about it.

I mean, I can’t always solve my own problems; why the fuck should I expect it of myself to solve other problems like the war between Russia and the Ukraine or the fact that the rand is currently at R18.41 to the US Dollar. I know about these things, but I deliberately choose not to care.

Yes, I sound like a total dick, but I’m getting to a point where it all becomes too much. We are bombarded (bad pun intended) by social media posts telling us to care for this or care for that or to donate our money to this or that cause or to buy tickets for a virtual concert that will benefit the Ukraine… It’s just too much and I chose to care less.

Honestly, I don’t care if Putin is crazy or if Zelenskyy is seen as the next best thing since sliced bread…

I chose to worry less and be happier. I am beginning to realise that I can’t solve the world’s problems all by myself. I am not superman. I must learn to know my own limits and learn to love myself — not the myself that I would like the world to see, but the myself that I am — boots and all.

Choose what you talk about

What is the first thing people do after they greeted you in South Africa? They start in on “the terrible state of the country” or “how expensive life is getting” or “the war in the Ukraine” or perhaps how your Neighbour’s house was burgled last week.

Smile politely and start working out a plan to run like hell, because a negative person will try to drag you down to his level — not to be alone. Don’t do what I did once: I told a lady straight that I don’t care, because I can’t change it. There was this shocked silence and then she told me that I am a very rude person. I told her again that I don’t care, and she walked away. Needless to say: We haven’t spoken since, and I can’t say whose more relieved about it.

The attitude of gratitude

This one is easy: Sit down and start making a list of things to be grateful for like your food, your job, your health, your hearing, your sight, your house, your partner and the fact that you are still alive. No matter how you twist and turn, you can’t turn this list into anything negative.

Soon you will realise how much you have to be grateful for and, if you are really smart, you will realise that you are complaining with the white bread under the arm.

Staying positive takes tremendous effort, time and energy. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but it’s a choice. Only you can make that choice and, yes, it is easier to be positive if the outside influences are positive as well. So, surround yourself with positive things and positive people. Constantly strive for positivity and as you go on, it will become easier and easier. But remember: Nobody can run this rase for you; only you can do it and the fact that you are reading this right now tells me that you are willing to give it a go.

Last but not least: Believe in yourself. You can do it, because I am busy doing it.

The Power of Perspectives

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I come from a culture where we are taught, from a very young age, not to question things —  especially if a grownup tells it to you. There is even a saying in Afrikaans: Children should be seen and not heard. This attitude stays with us throughout our lives, and it cripples us as clear-thinking Human beings, because we don’t question. In other words: Wê get told something by someone calling themselves an expert and we don’t question it.

Experts are valuable, yes, but you don’t need them to vorm an opinion or to question and think for yourself. Whenever something is Published on Facebook, most people take it for the truth – especially the older generation. It was published somewhere, so it must be so, because it was SAID by a so-called expert – an expert of what? Masturbation, perhaps?

At the hand of the following quotation, I am going to show you just how powerful a different perspective can be. I Came across this quotation on Facebook: “Life Has No Remote, Change It Yourself” I believe this quote is from a person. Called Ben Francia.

A Small Disclaimer

I feel it necessary to first point out to those with limited mental capabilities, or to those that do not understand how to read properly, the following: I am not disparaging this quote. It merely serves as an example to make a point – namely that we can think for ourselves if we choose to do so by questioning everything you read or hear.

Perspective 1

“Life Has No Remote, Change It Yourself”

These are powerful words indeed. You, and you alone, are responsible for your own life. If there are things you don’t like, do something about it. If you want something, work and save for it. There is no such thing as a free lunch – even success needs to be worked for.

Perspective 2

“Life Has No Remote, Change It Yourself”

What absolute excretion of a male animal of the bovine persuasion. Life cannot and should not be compared to a television or a HIFI system that can be operated remotely. Life simply is. And does working a remote not also, by definition, entails an expenditure of energy? First, you have to look around to find the remote, then you need to stick out your hand. After that, you need to pick it UP. Once picked UP, you need to find the correct button, point the device somewhere and then press the button. All of this entails energy expenditure and is therefore work – the same energy and work as in perspective one.

Some clever people refer to this process as “putting on a different pair of glasses”. I call it “the other side of the coin”. If you start to look critically at life, the universe and everything around you; if you question and learn to look at the other side of the coin; if you don’t take things at face value – especially the news media, you will broaden your horizons and you will break the chains the so-called experts and gate keepers of information enslaved modern society with.

The Subtle Art of being Offended

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Giving offence, either knowingly or unknowingly, is part of human nature. It’s going to happen at some stage, whether we like it or not. And it’s even easier in today’s world than ever before. Think of it: You get people who see themselves as animals, men trapped in womens’ boddies (and viceversa), blind people, people with visual impairments, differently enabled people — the list goes on and on. How do you know what to call each individual without offending him, her, it? You can stay away from any titles, but it sounds so rood: “Good afternoon ,” instead of “good afternoon, sir.” And there is the possibility of offending the individual again: “This bastard is kind of curt, isn’t he?”

This happens all the time, because we cannot read minds yet and without the ability to read minds, how will we know what offends a stranger and what not?

So, how do you change this? The short answer is that you can’t. The only thing to do is to accept that you will be offended by someone, because it’s human nature. You just have to learn how to accept it without immediately getting up on your hind legs and grabbing the other individual by his, her or its tail.

If someone who doesn’t know me calls me “visually impaired”, I have two choices:
Either telling them that I would like to be called blind or keeping quiet. Keeping quiet is wrong on so many levels: I will feel offended, but not do anything about it. Keeping this person in the dark about how I feel about being called visually impaired. Visually, I’m not impaired. I have everything a normal person have; I may be more (or less) handsome than people around me, but I do not have a visual- or a vision impairment. I have a sight impairment — hence I see myself as blind and not visually impaired and I may just teach the person something.

We are so scared of giving offence that we forgot how to take being offended…

As a member of a minority group, I noticed that especially minority groups are the most easily offended. It could be that they feel that they stood at the back of the line for too long — I don’t know. What I do know is that they forgot how to deal with being offended, because they forgot that humans aren’t perfect.

I’m not saying turn the other cheek if you are offended. There are assholes out there who simply love to offend other people. It’s a drug for them. You will know them by their behavior and the way they talk to their Lessers. You don’t want them in your life anyway. Trying to educate them is a wasted effort. Save your energy for where it can do the best. What goes around … and all that. Ninety eight percent of people will listen to you. Rather be an educator than a pathetic human being with a sorry-I’m-alive attitude.

Accept that you are human and that you will give offence at some stage or another.

If you gave offence, do the right thing — the grownup thing: Stand up and say sorry. Remember, you are not always wrong, but neither are you right all the time.

If the person you gave offence to doesn’t want to accept your apology, fuck them. You don’t want them in your life anyway. At least you did the right thing, and you have nothing to lay awake about at night. You took responsibility for your own action, and you didn’t blame it on someone else.

It’s hard, but like all things in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Give it a shot and see if it makes a difference.

I Don’t Give a Fuck, but I feel Guilty about it

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There’s a guy who writes books and blogs for a living. His name is Mark Manson. I like his books, because he talks a lot of sense and unlike other self-help books where they use academic expressions and language with such a high register that even Shakespeare would have needed a dictionary to make sense … Read more