South Africa

Things in and around South Africa

Positivity is the Key to a Better Life

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If you live in South Africa, you know how easy it is to become negative. All you have to do is to wait for the power to go out, checking the Rand Dollar exchange rate or, even faster: Listen to a news bulletin.

What does this say about us as a nation? Even worse: Is there still hope for this beautiful country?

But enough said. The whole idea behind this post is to be positive and, by being positive, to have a better life.

But how do you become more positive??

I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s hard and extremely difficult. Just like any top performing athlete, you need to constantly work at it. The one light at the end of the tunnel is that, like anything in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

This is how I did it. Try it for yourself and, if necessary, change the recipe until it works for you.

Less is more

I used to read the news and listen to the news a lot, but I quickly realised that it makes me negative. Then I started listening to the news less. I also listen to shorter news bulletins like just the headlines and if there is a story that interests me, then I will follow up on it. I removed the Google News app from my phone, and I also deleted my news list in Twitter.

Remember the heading of this section? I’m not saying stop reading the news at all; I’m saying less news brings more chances to be positive. Don’t stop reading the news at all; you shouldn’t become an Ostridge by sticking your head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong. Be aware of world happenings, because they can affect you directly or indirectly.

Don’t Worry ~ be Happy

This is entirely your choice. My mother-in-law constantly worries about things: What if this? Or what will happen if that? We have often asked her to stop worrying about things that she cannot change or control. It really is as simple as this: You can’t change it, so why worry about it.

I mean, I can’t always solve my own problems; why the fuck should I expect it of myself to solve other problems like the war between Russia and the Ukraine or the fact that the rand is currently at R18.41 to the US Dollar. I know about these things, but I deliberately choose not to care.

Yes, I sound like a total dick, but I’m getting to a point where it all becomes too much. We are bombarded (bad pun intended) by social media posts telling us to care for this or care for that or to donate our money to this or that cause or to buy tickets for a virtual concert that will benefit the Ukraine… It’s just too much and I chose to care less.

Honestly, I don’t care if Putin is crazy or if Zelenskyy is seen as the next best thing since sliced bread…

I chose to worry less and be happier. I am beginning to realise that I can’t solve the world’s problems all by myself. I am not superman. I must learn to know my own limits and learn to love myself — not the myself that I would like the world to see, but the myself that I am — boots and all.

Choose what you talk about

What is the first thing people do after they greeted you in South Africa? They start in on “the terrible state of the country” or “how expensive life is getting” or “the war in the Ukraine” or perhaps how your Neighbour’s house was burgled last week.

Smile politely and start working out a plan to run like hell, because a negative person will try to drag you down to his level — not to be alone. Don’t do what I did once: I told a lady straight that I don’t care, because I can’t change it. There was this shocked silence and then she told me that I am a very rude person. I told her again that I don’t care, and she walked away. Needless to say: We haven’t spoken since, and I can’t say whose more relieved about it.

The attitude of gratitude

This one is easy: Sit down and start making a list of things to be grateful for like your food, your job, your health, your hearing, your sight, your house, your partner and the fact that you are still alive. No matter how you twist and turn, you can’t turn this list into anything negative.

Soon you will realise how much you have to be grateful for and, if you are really smart, you will realise that you are complaining with the white bread under the arm.

Staying positive takes tremendous effort, time and energy. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but it’s a choice. Only you can make that choice and, yes, it is easier to be positive if the outside influences are positive as well. So, surround yourself with positive things and positive people. Constantly strive for positivity and as you go on, it will become easier and easier. But remember: Nobody can run this rase for you; only you can do it and the fact that you are reading this right now tells me that you are willing to give it a go.

Last but not least: Believe in yourself. You can do it, because I am busy doing it.

The four-letter word that will doom Africa

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There is a word in English starting on “F” and ends on “E”. And this word will be the doom of Africa.

I’m talking about the word “Free”, not as in “freedom”, but as in “free” without cost. Some languages also use the word “gratis” for this.

Perhaps a bit of over kill? Let me tell you why I feel the way I do about this word.

This word is going to be the doom of us all, because there is no such concept. Whoever invented this idea should be shot, drawn and quartered, his body parts spread all over the world and the ground where he lived should be salted so that nothing can grow there ever again.

The idea of “free”, “gratis” and “without cost” is misleading as it does not exist. Perhaps it exists to the end-user or the receiver of whatever is “free”, but somebody somewhere down the line paid for it. This idea also creates an illusion and anybody who believes in it is therefore dilusional.

Let me demonstrate: You buy a new vehicle. Included are lots of “free” stuff like a “free” service plan, no payments for the first three months and “free” coffee whenever you bring your vehicle in for servicing. Do you think for one moment that the salespeople like you so much that they give these away for “free”?

It’s a sales tactic — nothing less and nothing more. And now I’m going to reveal a big secret about sales: It’s included in the price. That “free” stuff you’re getting, is not free. You are paying for it and if you don’t believe me, ask the salespeople to remove it from the final price. Surprise, surprise, they will not.

Why not?

Because to do so will prove that it’s not really “free”.

Last, but not least: The idea of “free” creates entitlement as in “the right to something”. Entitlement in the below context is wrong, plain wrong and nobody else is going to convince me otherwise.

I spoke to a disabled person who told me that my services should be “free”, because this person grew up in an orphanage where they got “lots of things for free”. This person clearly was feeling entitled to something either because he was disabled or he felt that the world owes him something.

The idea of “free” in Africa has gotten so out-of-line that we were ordered by my previous employer, to stop giving away freebies at events as the attendees clearly didn’t give a fuck about the event, but only about the freebies. If there were no freebies, they simply didn’t attend.

Even the politicians make use of this tactics in our country. They give away freebies in the form of t-shirts, caps, flag and food — just to gather votes. They don’t care if the people need to sell their souls or not, but they never cared anyway.

Remember: Someone somewhere is paying for freebies, and it may even be yourself.

Respect: Does it still exist?

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I come from an era where a church elder, a pastor, a teacher, a doctor and a pilot were all positions that demanded respect. You automatically gave way when they come walking towards you so that they can easily pass you by.

I also come from an era where the state president was almost a god, a police officer was a bastion of safety and people older than you automatically had your respect.

But all this has changed. Now you phone your private armed response before phoning the police; a doctor is just another person on the street and the state president is just another politician with political dirt on his hands. Respect has vanished like a free meal during election day. An all this happened so slowly that I didn’t notice it at first.

I am old school and proudly so. I know that I am slow, but even I get it now.

With age doesn’t come wisdom and people are fallible.

But what is respect?

I will demonstrate it at the hand of a story I once heard.

A lot of people were cuing at a government department in South Africa. It was a hot Friday afternoon after 13:00 and everybody wanted to go home. Those who were there, were either there because they got paid to be there, or those that needed something from that particular department.

Around the counters were a collection of wilted and dying potted plants. It was clear that nobody cared for these plants.

At the very back was an old man who left the cue and went to the reception counter. Everybody was upset at him, because they thought he was jumping the cue. But what he did, was to ask for a bucket. And, with this bucket, he started to water the plants.

Many people looked at the old man dressed in his old suit with his old ty and wondered. why he was doing this. Nobody offered to help him carry the heavy bucket, because nobody wanted to be in the building longer than absolutely necessary.

When he finished watering the plants, the old man returned the bucket to the person behind the counter and went back to his place at the end of the line. But the line took two steps backwards and people started gesturing the old man to the front of the line. He shook his head and said: “These plants are God’s creation. I watered them, because nobody else did it and because I still have strength enough to be able to do it. I didn’t water them to get a spot in front of the cue. I will take my old place and wait with everybody else, because I’m not special and neither did I do a special thing. I did the right thing.”

How many people are still doing “the right thing”? Is this the reason why respect disappeared? What can we do to get respect back to its former glory or is it gone like Escom’s promises to keep the lights on?

Sticks and stones may break my bones…

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This old, English proverb is well-known, but it’s also a load of bullshit.

Everything we do, we do in language. We speak in language (sometimes body language), but language, nevertheless. We think in language and language defines our identities. He is possibly a man, a woman, a cat or an it. The same goes for the third-person term “she”. In short, language makes us who we are.

Proverbs and their meanings

Proverbs are short little sayings containing sometimes wisdom and sometimes humour. They are defined to teach little life lessons or provide comfort. Examples are:

• The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. …
• All that glitters is not gold. …
• A picture is worth a thousand words. …
• Beggars can’t be choosers. …
• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. …
• An apple a day keeps the doctor away. …
• Better safe than sorry. …
• Blood is thicker than water.

And, of course, the title of this post.

Different kinds of abuse

Abuse could be either verbally or physically. Physical abuse takes a bit more effort on the part of the abuser, but both of these kinds of abuse could have terrible concequences.

If language is so deeply interwoven into our every fiber and if “words can never harm me”, why do school children commit suicide after being verbally abused by their peers?

Should words not be able to harm me, why does it hurt so much when your partner tells you that things are not working out and that it’s time to move on?

If words won’t hurt you, why does it feels like you are going to shit yourself whenever you receive mail from the revenue services?

If one of your parents is a bad person and someone tells you that “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”, why does it make you angry or sad?

The list can go on and on, but by this time, you should get the message: Sticks and stones may break your bones and words can most surely hurt you.

But there is one piece of folk wisdom or proverb that I strongly believe in: What you sow, so shall you reap. So, think before you speak. Let your words define you as either a man of wisdom and compassion or a man of selfishness and foolishness.