Giving offence, either knowingly or unknowingly, is part of human nature. It’s going to happen at some stage, whether we like it or not. And it’s even easier in today’s world than ever before. Think of it: You get people who see themselves as animals, men trapped in womens’ boddies (and viceversa), blind people, people with visual impairments, differently enabled people — the list goes on and on. How do you know what to call each individual without offending him, her, it? You can stay away from any titles, but it sounds so rood: “Good afternoon ,” instead of “good afternoon, sir.” And there is the possibility of offending the individual again: “This bastard is kind of curt, isn’t he?”
This happens all the time, because we cannot read minds yet and without the ability to read minds, how will we know what offends a stranger and what not?
So, how do you change this? The short answer is that you can’t. The only thing to do is to accept that you will be offended by someone, because it’s human nature. You just have to learn how to accept it without immediately getting up on your hind legs and grabbing the other individual by his, her or its tail.
If someone who doesn’t know me calls me “visually impaired”, I have two choices:
Either telling them that I would like to be called blind or keeping quiet. Keeping quiet is wrong on so many levels: I will feel offended, but not do anything about it. Keeping this person in the dark about how I feel about being called visually impaired. Visually, I’m not impaired. I have everything a normal person have; I may be more (or less) handsome than people around me, but I do not have a visual- or a vision impairment. I have a sight impairment — hence I see myself as blind and not visually impaired and I may just teach the person something.
We are so scared of giving offence that we forgot how to take being offended…
As a member of a minority group, I noticed that especially minority groups are the most easily offended. It could be that they feel that they stood at the back of the line for too long — I don’t know. What I do know is that they forgot how to deal with being offended, because they forgot that humans aren’t perfect.
I’m not saying turn the other cheek if you are offended. There are assholes out there who simply love to offend other people. It’s a drug for them. You will know them by their behavior and the way they talk to their Lessers. You don’t want them in your life anyway. Trying to educate them is a wasted effort. Save your energy for where it can do the best. What goes around … and all that. Ninety eight percent of people will listen to you. Rather be an educator than a pathetic human being with a sorry-I’m-alive attitude.
Accept that you are human and that you will give offence at some stage or another.
If you gave offence, do the right thing — the grownup thing: Stand up and say sorry. Remember, you are not always wrong, but neither are you right all the time.
If the person you gave offence to doesn’t want to accept your apology, fuck them. You don’t want them in your life anyway. At least you did the right thing, and you have nothing to lay awake about at night. You took responsibility for your own action, and you didn’t blame it on someone else.
It’s hard, but like all things in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Give it a shot and see if it makes a difference.